


Fire and Dust

by sparkling_cider



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Less boring than it sounds, M/M, Metaphors, Read as gen if you like, reflective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 10:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16574876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkling_cider/pseuds/sparkling_cider
Summary: There’s always a reason to be angry, Bucky doesn’t say. But they’ve made you forget all that, have stifled the flames that would have burned bright and loud and gone too soon.





	Fire and Dust

**Author's Note:**

> What the fuck is the title lmao

It's hard to put a finger on what's changed. There's the obvious, the fact that Bucky has to look up and not down to smile at Steve, that he's Captain America and people listen to him, the bizarre outfit. That's all—strange, yes, but Bucky's seen stranger, weapons that shoot blue death and doctors whose aim is not to heal but to hurt.

Something else is different, a shift in Steve himself that Bucky can't quite pinpoint but that makes the world feel off-balance. Steve's  _wrong_ , subtly but surely, and it takes Bucky until they've been back at camp for almost a week to understand.

It comes to him all in a flash, when he and Steve are walking back from some higher-up or another's tent. A group of soldiers, drunk or soon to be, have surrounded a lone man, jeering, and it's a matter of moments before the altercation turns violent.

Bucky knows what Steve will do, knows it as sure as he knows the sun rises in the east, can hear Steve's grunts as he strides into the midst of the fight, is already imagining how much more blood there will be to clean up now than there used to be.

He's wrong, though. Steve says, voice calm but pitched to carry, "Something the matter?" and watches, nonplussed, as the men mumble and scatter. Steve gives Bucky a small smile,  _Look what I can do now_ , and they keep walking, Bucky reeling and trying not to show it.

Steve, though, sees Bucky's uncertainty, Steve can read still Bucky like a book and Bucky's not sure why he thought that of all things would change. "Not much reason to be angry now, is there," Steve says to Bucky's unasked question, shrugs, and is wrong.

There's always a reason to be angry, Bucky doesn't say. But they've made you forget all that, have stifled the flames that would have burned bright and loud and gone too soon. They haven't done all that much, only changed the gas mileage so it'll last for decades rather than years.

He thinks Steve knows, anyway, the way Steve knows these things. He wants to ask if he minds what's happened, but Bucky knows the answer.  _It's not about me_ , Steve would say, even though it is and always has been.  _I can help more people like this._  He'd be right, too, but Bucky wonders what it does to a man, this stripping away of the unnecessary firewood and leaving you with the kind of coal that lasts but doesn't spark.

The anger, the constant rage at the machine—it's all muted, muffled behind the wall of muscle that comprises Steve's body now. It's the responsibility that's done it, Bucky figures, the knowledge that Steve's every action puts others' lives in danger. You have to reign back your ideals if you want to lead. Same as the way you have to erase the part of you that screams in horror every time you pull the trigger.

They've made soldiers out of the both of us, Bucky thinks, and ain't that a shame.


End file.
